Unlike the vast majority of my team, from the Lake Squad to the Seveneighteen scholars, I am a happily married man. Before I met the woman that I am making my life with, I was in fulfilling and loving relationships. I learned important things from each of the women that I was with (don’t worry, a breakdown for each one is forthcoming, so look out for that) that have allowed me to be the best man that I can be for the woman that I am going to love until the end of my days.
I am reminded of these invaluable lessons each time I hear people talk about their relationship issues. I was having a conversation with a friend today that took me to a very interesting place. It reminded me that I need everyone out there to know something about me. Yes, I have a confession to make. I’ll try to keep it succinct:
Hi, my name is Coach Phil and I am a snitch.
I know all my hood ninjas out there just threw up in their collective mouths, just a little bit, but let me explain… I am a snitch when it comes to the woman I love.
I’ll set the scene up for you.
In undergrad, I was never really too much of a smizzle with mine. I did what I did with the ladies, but I usually kept my goings on close to the vest and out of the guise of the general public. Don’t get me wrong, I did me, but discretion was paramount.
I had a summer fling with a woman that, in hindsight, I completely underestimated. She was quiet and poetic, eclectic, and honestly, a bit weird. Definitely physically attractive too (slim with 36Cs and a modest backside), but if you asked me how we ended up kicking it, I would seldom be able to give you a straight answer. But kick it we did, all summer long.
As expected, when the school year commenced, we started to drift apart. There was the occasional run-in, but nothing nearly on par with our summertime gallivanting. Since I found myself well under the salary cap (read single), I felt comfortable offering 10-day contracts to a couple of interested females. After try-outs concluded, I found myself unexpectedly wifed-up. Did my summertime fling give a fourteenth of a fuck about my change in status?
NO.
I get a seemingly innocent call from her one afternoon, requesting my presence at her spot to talk. I consider this request innocuous for 3 reasons:
1) Over the course of the summer, we had indeed become friends. Weird as she was, I valued her opinion, and even at the conclusion of our fling, I found her perspective interesting and refreshing. I assumed the feeling was mutual.
2) Her roommate, who was ALWAYS in the spot, was one of my newfound wifey’s closest friends. In other words, streets was watching and I would be damn if I got caught up on some stupid ish.
3) It really was the middle of the afternoon, no later than like 3:00 PM.
For those reasons, I oblige without a second thought.
I get to her spot.
Knock on the door.
“COME IN!” She exclaims.
I open the door, go inside, and it is dark, with the only light coming from a series of flickering candles. My spider sense is starting to tingle.
She is not in the living room so I call her name. I hear her voice, more softly now, beckoning me to come to her room. My spider sense is throbbing urgently at this point.
On the way to her room I notice that her roommate is nowhere to be found. Spider sense is at Defcon 1.
So I apprehensively head to her room…
To find her…
BUCKET…
NAKED…
Wearing nothing but lotion and candlelight.
“I missed you,” she purrs.
Now before I continue, there is something that you should know about me. I have NEVER, EVER, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER, put the pussy on a pedestal. I have always subscribed to the Drizzy Drake philosophy, “Pussy is only pussy, and I get it when I need it.” So the normal male reaction (i.e. start thinking with the head between your legs rather than the one on your shoulders) just was not in play.
Did I like what I saw?
You damn right.
Did I let what my eyes were drinking in, and the building excitement of my smaller head rule the day?
Absolutely not.
I won’t front like I lectured her on compromising my situation or, for that matter, even told her to put her clothes on. I just laughed, said “Wow, you look amazing,” and bounced.
When I got back to the crib, I did 2 things:
1) Called one of my boys (the most discrete one) and told him the entire story verbatim.
2) Called wifey and got to snitchin!!!!
So what happened?
Wifey listened to the story, secretly started an unrequited blood feud with young fling, and that was the end of it.
All because I was smart enough to snitch.
My reasoning is simple. First, whatever possessed summer fling to come at me like that could easily possess her to make some shit up about how it played out. Second, though I was in the nascent stages of this relationship, I was really feeling wifey, and I wanted to build on a foundation of trust. Third, and probably most importantly, I was acutely aware of my own culpability (fell through the crib of an ex fling dolo, noticed it was dark and candlelit and didn’t bounce immediately), and how my actions could be construed if I failed to get my version out first. Fourth and finally, you NEVER want there to be info out there about you and the opposite sex that your wife did not hear from you first. It’s just bad for business. The truth will set you free…
Do you think I did the right thing? Have you ever felt like snitchin’ was the right path for you? What would you have done in a similar situation? Holla at me peoples…
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Monday, May 18, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Relationshits
Over the years, we’ve all been asked the infamous question, “do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?” If you are like me and answer “hell no, I’m single as a dollar bill” or “Girlfriend? I’m allergic to those *hachoo!*” then it usually leads to a perplexed look and the follow-up question: “Mr. Westside, in all of your wonderousness, fantasticality, and sovereign rulership of the universe, how could you possibly not have girlfriend?”
For me, the answer is simple: Women are crazy.
Yeah I said it! And I meant it. Ok, ok, ok…I’m just serious…
Me personally, I have many reasons as to why I’m still single. The least of them being, I highly doubt I could be entirely faithful to one woman right now so why bother with trying to be faithful only to either end up embarking on a grandiose conquest of the aesthetic, callipygian vixens of the world, or simply wishing I was. I’ll save her the heartbreak and onslaught of insecurity that follows. Ladies, you're welcome and shyt.
Important women in my past have told me they feel that they “won’t be enough for me” and for years I tried to ease their discomfort by retorting with reasons opposing this, but I think they might have been on to something.
Sometimes I just want the option of going out of town on business and smashing the random cute chick I met at the hotel bar. This is definitely not an option when you have a girlfriend. However, it is quite fun and I highly recommend it…if you have the option of course.
Think about it, whenever you travel somewhere your best stories are always the ones that involve some type of conquest of the opposite sex. I’m not ready to part with that aspect of my life just yet. Besides that, I have yet to go to Miami and/or Brazil. And according to rule #1906 of Cornell Westside’s Code of Conduct for Consistent Coitus, I must visit these establishments prior to taking any young lady seriously.
As hard as it is for women to believe, dealing with other chicks actually makes like our main chick even more. It’s human nature to compare things; we do it in all aspects of life.
I’ll give you an analogous experience from my life.
I travel a lot with my job and have to drive rental cars often. Now even though my car is 2004 and the rentals are 08s and 09s, I still love coming home and driving my car and prefer it over the new models. I think my car is better and there’s no logical argument that will sway me otherwise. However, when I come home from a business trip, I haven’t broken any rule of exclusivity by driving another car. In fact, I began to love my car even more after I had something to compare it to. Now I look forward traveling just so I can enjoy the moment of returning to my car.
In my simplemindedness approach to life, I find a methodology that works and apply it to every aspect of life. Thus, the same logic I use to make a big purchase i.e. car, house, etc. is the same logic I use in finding a woman to be in a relationship with. So, to continue with the car analogy…
If you study what people with lots of money do, you can see the basal nature of humans. Most of us are constrained by money so we can’t do or say what we really want because we don’t have enough money to get away with it. Notice that people with money usually have more than one car (and heavily indulge in drugs…later for that though). They have different cars for different occasions.
It’s something you see and rely on everyday; you spend a good chunk of your income on it. Ultimately it is a representation of who you are. Doesn’t your “real” relationship have similar attributes?
Thus, my simplemindedness being at the root of this, if I can afford to have more than one car, why can’t I have more than one woman if I can afford it? In the Old Testament many of the Kings had multiple wives. God (and society) was cool with it, why can’t you?
And yes, I know someone needs to pray for me, so please go right ahead. You can start now…don’t worry, I’ll wait.
The logical flaw in all this is that most women want to be your favorite AND your only. This is impossible. Favorite implies choice, only doesn’t. See the problem?
So even though I am probably ready to find one woman and be satisfied with coitus and companionship from her for eternity, I just don’t like the way it sounds and am not ready to sequester my option to emulate Wilt Chamberlain. Maybe I’m the crazy one…actually it’s not a maybe.
I haven’t even touched upon the fact that in America “No One Respects the Ring” – Coach Phil, but I’ll save that one for another day and another time.
For now, tell me if you’re for or against monogamous relationships, why or why not?
For me, the answer is simple: Women are crazy.
Yeah I said it! And I meant it. Ok, ok, ok…I’m just serious…
Me personally, I have many reasons as to why I’m still single. The least of them being, I highly doubt I could be entirely faithful to one woman right now so why bother with trying to be faithful only to either end up embarking on a grandiose conquest of the aesthetic, callipygian vixens of the world, or simply wishing I was. I’ll save her the heartbreak and onslaught of insecurity that follows. Ladies, you're welcome and shyt.
Important women in my past have told me they feel that they “won’t be enough for me” and for years I tried to ease their discomfort by retorting with reasons opposing this, but I think they might have been on to something.
Sometimes I just want the option of going out of town on business and smashing the random cute chick I met at the hotel bar. This is definitely not an option when you have a girlfriend. However, it is quite fun and I highly recommend it…if you have the option of course.
Think about it, whenever you travel somewhere your best stories are always the ones that involve some type of conquest of the opposite sex. I’m not ready to part with that aspect of my life just yet. Besides that, I have yet to go to Miami and/or Brazil. And according to rule #1906 of Cornell Westside’s Code of Conduct for Consistent Coitus, I must visit these establishments prior to taking any young lady seriously.
As hard as it is for women to believe, dealing with other chicks actually makes like our main chick even more. It’s human nature to compare things; we do it in all aspects of life.
“The entrée ain’t as good without something on the side.” – Fabolous on Can’t Let You Go
I’ll give you an analogous experience from my life.
I travel a lot with my job and have to drive rental cars often. Now even though my car is 2004 and the rentals are 08s and 09s, I still love coming home and driving my car and prefer it over the new models. I think my car is better and there’s no logical argument that will sway me otherwise. However, when I come home from a business trip, I haven’t broken any rule of exclusivity by driving another car. In fact, I began to love my car even more after I had something to compare it to. Now I look forward traveling just so I can enjoy the moment of returning to my car.
“Keep It Simple Stupid” - Unknown
In my simplemindedness approach to life, I find a methodology that works and apply it to every aspect of life. Thus, the same logic I use to make a big purchase i.e. car, house, etc. is the same logic I use in finding a woman to be in a relationship with. So, to continue with the car analogy…
If you study what people with lots of money do, you can see the basal nature of humans. Most of us are constrained by money so we can’t do or say what we really want because we don’t have enough money to get away with it. Notice that people with money usually have more than one car (and heavily indulge in drugs…later for that though). They have different cars for different occasions.
“The relationship you have with your car isn’t so different from your other relationships.” – Kate Walsh, Cadillac CTS Commercial
It’s something you see and rely on everyday; you spend a good chunk of your income on it. Ultimately it is a representation of who you are. Doesn’t your “real” relationship have similar attributes?
Thus, my simplemindedness being at the root of this, if I can afford to have more than one car, why can’t I have more than one woman if I can afford it? In the Old Testament many of the Kings had multiple wives. God (and society) was cool with it, why can’t you?
And yes, I know someone needs to pray for me, so please go right ahead. You can start now…don’t worry, I’ll wait.
The logical flaw in all this is that most women want to be your favorite AND your only. This is impossible. Favorite implies choice, only doesn’t. See the problem?
So even though I am probably ready to find one woman and be satisfied with coitus and companionship from her for eternity, I just don’t like the way it sounds and am not ready to sequester my option to emulate Wilt Chamberlain. Maybe I’m the crazy one…actually it’s not a maybe.
I haven’t even touched upon the fact that in America “No One Respects the Ring” – Coach Phil, but I’ll save that one for another day and another time.
For now, tell me if you’re for or against monogamous relationships, why or why not?
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Enablers
Lots of discourse on trifling men and women has gone back and forth lately. We know the offenders and the offended. We have all heard the stories straight from the mouths of our own loved ones, close friends and associates.
For females it sounds like:
“I only talk to him when I want a free meal."
“Shit if he is gonna buy me things, I ain’t gonna stop him."
“I have no intention of having sex with him, but I’ll keep letting him do things for me. I still need my bookcase put together."
“If a guy is dumb enough to do it, then why shouldn’t I take advantage of it?"
For guys it is usually along the lines of:
“I only hit her up when I am trying to beat."
“Dating? What. The fuck. Is dating?"
“She is my closer / jumpoff / goer / runner / sure thing / etc. and so on."
“I’ll hit, but wifing her is out of the question."
“If I don’t beat after the first 2 or 3 dates... jam done. I’m moving on to the next chick."
It is easy for all of us to point out the negative tendencies of the opposite sex, but we seldom offer action items for constructive and meaningful change. Thinking critically about this situation I realized that there is a very simple central theme, people are only trifling because the opposite sex allows them to be.
Men complain about hungry, thirsty, gold-digging, opportunist bitches.
Women complain about cheap, trifling, shallow, commitment-phobic niggas.
The problem my friends is enablers.
Not everyone that engages in the above is an enabler however, so I think some distinction is necessary. Some guys sincerely like to ball out in the club, pop bottles, and spend money on random females. Gives them a rush, and makes them feel good. Some ladies genuinely like to be catered to and have the attention of guys like that showered on them. Again, makes them feel good. If you know who you are and what you like there is no problem with you doing you. If you are being played and don’t even know it, then you are an enabler. The pejorative manifestations of enablers are what I have a problem with, and they can usually be described as “bitch niggas" in the male form and “bullshitters" in the female form. The bitch nigga makes the bullshitter possible and vice versa.
These groups affect otherwise progressive and intelligent people, because we have to be wary of their existence and act accordingly.
But it doesn’t have to be this way people!
We can minimize the existence of both of these groups.
We can eliminate the selfish unintentional consequences of their unclear intentions.
We can carry ourselves as the caring adults that we really are.
There is an answer...
The solution is relatively simple, and I think it is two fold:
1) Realize your personal worth. Men and women both need to value themselves more. Both parties need to realize that there are entirely too many people in the world that sincerely value them as a people and individuals to ever waste time or settle for someone that does not.
2) Honesty is the best policy. Be honest about your goals and intentions at the earliest possible juncture, and drama and animosity are not even viable options.
Again, since this note is focused on action items, I have compiled a list of suggestions for putting the 2 simple solutions to use for everyone first, then I get a little more specific for males and females individually.
Everyone:
1) If you know you are attractive, intelligent, and rare act like it.
2) Get what you want out of whatever situation you are in, and when that is not possible be honest and move on.
3) If you know someone is not on your level, acknowledge it and act accordingly.
Females:
1) Treat the pussy like its worth something. That doesn’t mean be haughty, but some selectivity would be nice. Too many whack dudes that are not on the collective level of our black women, are managing to garner pussy at an alarming rate. Stop giving it away to niggas that don’t treat you right. If he is more trouble than it is worth then cut dude off. Stop letting uneducated cornballs beat. Wrap up the drama filled situations. Women can’t complain about men until they start getting better taste in them.
2) Stop giving guys hope that should have none, and directly related,
3) Stop letting dudes take you out that you have no intention of doing anything with. If you insist on doing it anyway, at least be honest and let him know that he is not a priority, and that he is only Mr. Fix-It, Mr. Buy-It, or what have you, and he has no shot at playing for the championship. Ladies, you know after the first salient conversation, if not earlier, whether you are going to let him get anywhere. If you know that this guy couldn’t get any even if he had the last drops of semen on earth, and the existence of humankind depended on intercourse between the two of you, then tell him the truth and let him make decisions from there. If he insists on playing himself by being ridiculously persistent with no hope of success (although persistence pays from time to time) then that is on him.
Males:
1) Stop copping drinks for, building things for, or otherwise compromising yourself for chicks that are not that fly to begin with. You give them a big head and they get all out of pocket. There are few things in this world more annoying than a mediocre chick that thinks she is the greatest thing this side of grape Kool-aid (yes grape is the best!). I find myself having to check this type of chick all too often… Side note: Ladies, confidence is ok. Even a tinge of arrogance is ok if you got your shit together intellectually and emotionally, but still, take an honest inventory of what you have to offer before you hit the streets.
2) Stop gassing chicks because their titties are popping out of their turtleneck. Act like you have seen breasts before. Act like you have seen a particularly rotund backside before. Sex is great, but the physical attributes don’t last kid.
3) Stop being a simp and letting chicks run the game just because they have a vagina. Respect yourself and your ability to get it down with a chick worthy of your time. Any guy worth his weight knows at least one drama free chick that they can kick it with and do all the things necessary to keep him happy. Food, fun and fucking are nice diversions from the mundane bullshit of everyday life. If you don’t have at least one down chick to ride for you, you are fucking up dude, and your desperation is evident to any and all females that you interact with.
As always, I’d love to hear your comments. What do you think?
For females it sounds like:
“I only talk to him when I want a free meal."
“Shit if he is gonna buy me things, I ain’t gonna stop him."
“I have no intention of having sex with him, but I’ll keep letting him do things for me. I still need my bookcase put together."
“If a guy is dumb enough to do it, then why shouldn’t I take advantage of it?"
For guys it is usually along the lines of:
“I only hit her up when I am trying to beat."
“Dating? What. The fuck. Is dating?"
“She is my closer / jumpoff / goer / runner / sure thing / etc. and so on."
“I’ll hit, but wifing her is out of the question."
“If I don’t beat after the first 2 or 3 dates... jam done. I’m moving on to the next chick."
It is easy for all of us to point out the negative tendencies of the opposite sex, but we seldom offer action items for constructive and meaningful change. Thinking critically about this situation I realized that there is a very simple central theme, people are only trifling because the opposite sex allows them to be.
Men complain about hungry, thirsty, gold-digging, opportunist bitches.
Women complain about cheap, trifling, shallow, commitment-phobic niggas.
The problem my friends is enablers.
Not everyone that engages in the above is an enabler however, so I think some distinction is necessary. Some guys sincerely like to ball out in the club, pop bottles, and spend money on random females. Gives them a rush, and makes them feel good. Some ladies genuinely like to be catered to and have the attention of guys like that showered on them. Again, makes them feel good. If you know who you are and what you like there is no problem with you doing you. If you are being played and don’t even know it, then you are an enabler. The pejorative manifestations of enablers are what I have a problem with, and they can usually be described as “bitch niggas" in the male form and “bullshitters" in the female form. The bitch nigga makes the bullshitter possible and vice versa.
These groups affect otherwise progressive and intelligent people, because we have to be wary of their existence and act accordingly.
But it doesn’t have to be this way people!
We can minimize the existence of both of these groups.
We can eliminate the selfish unintentional consequences of their unclear intentions.
We can carry ourselves as the caring adults that we really are.
There is an answer...
The solution is relatively simple, and I think it is two fold:
1) Realize your personal worth. Men and women both need to value themselves more. Both parties need to realize that there are entirely too many people in the world that sincerely value them as a people and individuals to ever waste time or settle for someone that does not.
2) Honesty is the best policy. Be honest about your goals and intentions at the earliest possible juncture, and drama and animosity are not even viable options.
Again, since this note is focused on action items, I have compiled a list of suggestions for putting the 2 simple solutions to use for everyone first, then I get a little more specific for males and females individually.
Everyone:
1) If you know you are attractive, intelligent, and rare act like it.
2) Get what you want out of whatever situation you are in, and when that is not possible be honest and move on.
3) If you know someone is not on your level, acknowledge it and act accordingly.
Females:
1) Treat the pussy like its worth something. That doesn’t mean be haughty, but some selectivity would be nice. Too many whack dudes that are not on the collective level of our black women, are managing to garner pussy at an alarming rate. Stop giving it away to niggas that don’t treat you right. If he is more trouble than it is worth then cut dude off. Stop letting uneducated cornballs beat. Wrap up the drama filled situations. Women can’t complain about men until they start getting better taste in them.
2) Stop giving guys hope that should have none, and directly related,
3) Stop letting dudes take you out that you have no intention of doing anything with. If you insist on doing it anyway, at least be honest and let him know that he is not a priority, and that he is only Mr. Fix-It, Mr. Buy-It, or what have you, and he has no shot at playing for the championship. Ladies, you know after the first salient conversation, if not earlier, whether you are going to let him get anywhere. If you know that this guy couldn’t get any even if he had the last drops of semen on earth, and the existence of humankind depended on intercourse between the two of you, then tell him the truth and let him make decisions from there. If he insists on playing himself by being ridiculously persistent with no hope of success (although persistence pays from time to time) then that is on him.
Males:
1) Stop copping drinks for, building things for, or otherwise compromising yourself for chicks that are not that fly to begin with. You give them a big head and they get all out of pocket. There are few things in this world more annoying than a mediocre chick that thinks she is the greatest thing this side of grape Kool-aid (yes grape is the best!). I find myself having to check this type of chick all too often… Side note: Ladies, confidence is ok. Even a tinge of arrogance is ok if you got your shit together intellectually and emotionally, but still, take an honest inventory of what you have to offer before you hit the streets.
2) Stop gassing chicks because their titties are popping out of their turtleneck. Act like you have seen breasts before. Act like you have seen a particularly rotund backside before. Sex is great, but the physical attributes don’t last kid.
3) Stop being a simp and letting chicks run the game just because they have a vagina. Respect yourself and your ability to get it down with a chick worthy of your time. Any guy worth his weight knows at least one drama free chick that they can kick it with and do all the things necessary to keep him happy. Food, fun and fucking are nice diversions from the mundane bullshit of everyday life. If you don’t have at least one down chick to ride for you, you are fucking up dude, and your desperation is evident to any and all females that you interact with.
As always, I’d love to hear your comments. What do you think?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
