Enablers

Lots of discourse on trifling men and women has gone back and forth lately. We know the offenders and the offended. We have all heard the stories straight from the mouths of our own loved ones, close friends and associates.

For females it sounds like:
“I only talk to him when I want a free meal."
“Shit if he is gonna buy me things, I ain’t gonna stop him."
“I have no intention of having sex with him, but I’ll keep letting him do things for me. I still need my bookcase put together."
“If a guy is dumb enough to do it, then why shouldn’t I take advantage of it?"

For guys it is usually along the lines of:
“I only hit her up when I am trying to beat."
“Dating? What. The fuck. Is dating?"
“She is my closer / jumpoff / goer / runner / sure thing / etc. and so on."
“I’ll hit, but wifing her is out of the question."
“If I don’t beat after the first 2 or 3 dates... jam done. I’m moving on to the next chick."

It is easy for all of us to point out the negative tendencies of the opposite sex, but we seldom offer action items for constructive and meaningful change. Thinking critically about this situation I realized that there is a very simple central theme, people are only trifling because the opposite sex allows them to be.

Men complain about hungry, thirsty, gold-digging, opportunist bitches.

Women complain about cheap, trifling, shallow, commitment-phobic niggas.

The problem my friends is enablers.

Not everyone that engages in the above is an enabler however, so I think some distinction is necessary. Some guys sincerely like to ball out in the club, pop bottles, and spend money on random females. Gives them a rush, and makes them feel good. Some ladies genuinely like to be catered to and have the attention of guys like that showered on them. Again, makes them feel good. If you know who you are and what you like there is no problem with you doing you. If you are being played and don’t even know it, then you are an enabler. The pejorative manifestations of enablers are what I have a problem with, and they can usually be described as “bitch niggas" in the male form and “bullshitters" in the female form. The bitch nigga makes the bullshitter possible and vice versa.

These groups affect otherwise progressive and intelligent people, because we have to be wary of their existence and act accordingly.

But it doesn’t have to be this way people!

We can minimize the existence of both of these groups.
We can eliminate the selfish unintentional consequences of their unclear intentions.
We can carry ourselves as the caring adults that we really are.
There is an answer...

The solution is relatively simple, and I think it is two fold:

1) Realize your personal worth. Men and women both need to value themselves more. Both parties need to realize that there are entirely too many people in the world that sincerely value them as a people and individuals to ever waste time or settle for someone that does not.

2) Honesty is the best policy. Be honest about your goals and intentions at the earliest possible juncture, and drama and animosity are not even viable options.

Again, since this note is focused on action items, I have compiled a list of suggestions for putting the 2 simple solutions to use for everyone first, then I get a little more specific for males and females individually.

Everyone:
1) If you know you are attractive, intelligent, and rare act like it.
2) Get what you want out of whatever situation you are in, and when that is not possible be honest and move on.
3) If you know someone is not on your level, acknowledge it and act accordingly.

Females:
1) Treat the pussy like its worth something. That doesn’t mean be haughty, but some selectivity would be nice. Too many whack dudes that are not on the collective level of our black women, are managing to garner pussy at an alarming rate. Stop giving it away to niggas that don’t treat you right. If he is more trouble than it is worth then cut dude off. Stop letting uneducated cornballs beat. Wrap up the drama filled situations. Women can’t complain about men until they start getting better taste in them.
2) Stop giving guys hope that should have none, and directly related,
3) Stop letting dudes take you out that you have no intention of doing anything with. If you insist on doing it anyway, at least be honest and let him know that he is not a priority, and that he is only Mr. Fix-It, Mr. Buy-It, or what have you, and he has no shot at playing for the championship. Ladies, you know after the first salient conversation, if not earlier, whether you are going to let him get anywhere. If you know that this guy couldn’t get any even if he had the last drops of semen on earth, and the existence of humankind depended on intercourse between the two of you, then tell him the truth and let him make decisions from there. If he insists on playing himself by being ridiculously persistent with no hope of success (although persistence pays from time to time) then that is on him.

Males:
1) Stop copping drinks for, building things for, or otherwise compromising yourself for chicks that are not that fly to begin with. You give them a big head and they get all out of pocket. There are few things in this world more annoying than a mediocre chick that thinks she is the greatest thing this side of grape Kool-aid (yes grape is the best!). I find myself having to check this type of chick all too often… Side note: Ladies, confidence is ok. Even a tinge of arrogance is ok if you got your shit together intellectually and emotionally, but still, take an honest inventory of what you have to offer before you hit the streets.
2) Stop gassing chicks because their titties are popping out of their turtleneck. Act like you have seen breasts before. Act like you have seen a particularly rotund backside before. Sex is great, but the physical attributes don’t last kid.
3) Stop being a simp and letting chicks run the game just because they have a vagina. Respect yourself and your ability to get it down with a chick worthy of your time. Any guy worth his weight knows at least one drama free chick that they can kick it with and do all the things necessary to keep him happy. Food, fun and fucking are nice diversions from the mundane bullshit of everyday life. If you don’t have at least one down chick to ride for you, you are fucking up dude, and your desperation is evident to any and all females that you interact with.

As always, I’d love to hear your comments. What do you think?