Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The Vibe Bracket Podcasts

Since Da Lake Squad was prominently featured in this epic argument, we got a special guest post on from the seveneighteen scholars. Enjoy good people!

(NOTE: The second half of The Vibe Racket: Part II podcast is available. Scroll to the end of the page.)

Welcome to the nitty gritty.

Last time, we just ripped the bracket to shreds.

This time , welcome to the All-Star podcast: Streetz, Radio The Rahim, Bobby Drake and yours truly filled out Vibe’s bracket to determine the Best Rapper Ever…while ripping it to shreds.

Highlights include:

Did a certain Harlem rapper have a ghostwriter early in his career?
Take everything you hear from a Queens native about a Queens native with a few grains of salt.
The LL Cool J-Canibus battle revisited.
Which top 5-seeded rapper(s) got a 1st round knockout?
Who didn’t deserve a #1 seed?
Over/under on pause/no homo/no rainbow/that’s what she said references: 32

And a special guest appearance from our favorite correctional officer.

To follow along with the actual Vibe bracket, go here.

The podcast was so crazy we had to split it into two parts. Check out Part 1 here.

UPDATE!!!: Part 2 of the podcast now available! Click here.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Start Snitchin'

Unlike the vast majority of my team, from the Lake Squad to the Seveneighteen scholars, I am a happily married man. Before I met the woman that I am making my life with, I was in fulfilling and loving relationships. I learned important things from each of the women that I was with (don’t worry, a breakdown for each one is forthcoming, so look out for that) that have allowed me to be the best man that I can be for the woman that I am going to love until the end of my days.

I am reminded of these invaluable lessons each time I hear people talk about their relationship issues. I was having a conversation with a friend today that took me to a very interesting place. It reminded me that I need everyone out there to know something about me. Yes, I have a confession to make. I’ll try to keep it succinct:

Hi, my name is Coach Phil and I am a snitch.

I know all my hood ninjas out there just threw up in their collective mouths, just a little bit, but let me explain… I am a snitch when it comes to the woman I love.

I’ll set the scene up for you.

In undergrad, I was never really too much of a smizzle with mine. I did what I did with the ladies, but I usually kept my goings on close to the vest and out of the guise of the general public. Don’t get me wrong, I did me, but discretion was paramount.

I had a summer fling with a woman that, in hindsight, I completely underestimated. She was quiet and poetic, eclectic, and honestly, a bit weird. Definitely physically attractive too (slim with 36Cs and a modest backside), but if you asked me how we ended up kicking it, I would seldom be able to give you a straight answer. But kick it we did, all summer long.

As expected, when the school year commenced, we started to drift apart. There was the occasional run-in, but nothing nearly on par with our summertime gallivanting. Since I found myself well under the salary cap (read single), I felt comfortable offering 10-day contracts to a couple of interested females. After try-outs concluded, I found myself unexpectedly wifed-up. Did my summertime fling give a fourteenth of a fuck about my change in status?


I get a seemingly innocent call from her one afternoon, requesting my presence at her spot to talk. I consider this request innocuous for 3 reasons:

1) Over the course of the summer, we had indeed become friends. Weird as she was, I valued her opinion, and even at the conclusion of our fling, I found her perspective interesting and refreshing. I assumed the feeling was mutual.
2) Her roommate, who was ALWAYS in the spot, was one of my newfound wifey’s closest friends. In other words, streets was watching and I would be damn if I got caught up on some stupid ish.
3) It really was the middle of the afternoon, no later than like 3:00 PM.

For those reasons, I oblige without a second thought.

I get to her spot.

Knock on the door.

“COME IN!” She exclaims.

I open the door, go inside, and it is dark, with the only light coming from a series of flickering candles. My spider sense is starting to tingle.

She is not in the living room so I call her name. I hear her voice, more softly now, beckoning me to come to her room. My spider sense is throbbing urgently at this point.

On the way to her room I notice that her roommate is nowhere to be found. Spider sense is at Defcon 1.

So I apprehensively head to her room…

To find her…



Wearing nothing but lotion and candlelight.

“I missed you,” she purrs.

Now before I continue, there is something that you should know about me. I have NEVER, EVER, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER, put the pussy on a pedestal. I have always subscribed to the Drizzy Drake philosophy, “Pussy is only pussy, and I get it when I need it.” So the normal male reaction (i.e. start thinking with the head between your legs rather than the one on your shoulders) just was not in play.

Did I like what I saw?

You damn right.

Did I let what my eyes were drinking in, and the building excitement of my smaller head rule the day?

Absolutely not.

I won’t front like I lectured her on compromising my situation or, for that matter, even told her to put her clothes on. I just laughed, said “Wow, you look amazing,” and bounced.

When I got back to the crib, I did 2 things:
1) Called one of my boys (the most discrete one) and told him the entire story verbatim.
2) Called wifey and got to snitchin!!!!

So what happened?

Wifey listened to the story, secretly started an unrequited blood feud with young fling, and that was the end of it.

All because I was smart enough to snitch.

My reasoning is simple. First, whatever possessed summer fling to come at me like that could easily possess her to make some shit up about how it played out. Second, though I was in the nascent stages of this relationship, I was really feeling wifey, and I wanted to build on a foundation of trust. Third, and probably most importantly, I was acutely aware of my own culpability (fell through the crib of an ex fling dolo, noticed it was dark and candlelit and didn’t bounce immediately), and how my actions could be construed if I failed to get my version out first. Fourth and finally, you NEVER want there to be info out there about you and the opposite sex that your wife did not hear from you first. It’s just bad for business. The truth will set you free…

Do you think I did the right thing? Have you ever felt like snitchin’ was the right path for you? What would you have done in a similar situation? Holla at me peoples…

Friday, May 15, 2009

Reflection on Blacks in Higher Education

I wrote the bulk of this a while ago, but with everything going on in my life both professionally and academically I felt it was as good a time as any to revisit the subject. As always, I value your opinions so please comment. Anyway, here goes:

I am planning on studying for the LSAT and to retake the GRE this summer with hopes of giving myself some options after completing my Masters, and it has forced me to critically analyze my personal and professional goals for the next few years. That said, I got to thinking about higher education in the U.S. as a whole and the problems that continue to restrict the black community from the upper echelons of our eternally stratified society.

"Give Me Your Tired, Your Poor; Your Huddled Masses Yearning to Breathe Free. The wretched refuse of your teeming shore, Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me. I lift my lamp beside the golden door." From the mind of Emma Lazarus, these words are found inscribed on the base of the Statue of Liberty; a warm invitation, a welcoming gesture to all nations and people, to come to the United States. For hundreds of years the citizens of every nation, tongue, and people have come to this country with the hope of a new opportunity, a new future.

The notion that a child born with the restrictive shackles of penury and persecution will be able to escape them through hard work and ambition remains a central idea in the self-portrait of the United States. The American parent makes an implicit pact with the country itself, with the sincere hope that this Land of Opportunity will enable their children to accomplish things beyond the scope of their greatest desires. Unfortunately, the reality of upward mobility in America is more problematic than the well-intentioned aspirations of those who call it home.

As the gap between rich and poor continues to widen, a closer examination of the policies and practices that led to our current state becomes increasingly necessary. A little more than half a century ago, Brown vs. Board of Education declared that racial segregation in public schools unconstitutionally denies students equal educational opportunities. Chief Justice Earl Warren submitted that "In these days, it is doubtful that any child may reasonably be expected to succeed in life if he is denied the opportunity of an education."

Education continues to play a central role in the individual and collective elevation of historically marginalized populations, but I think that blacks have missed the point all too often. Let me be more specific. I know that for a number of the people that I have come in contact with (myself included), school is a means to an end. You want to make good money, so you need a college degree. Thus, when you get to school, wherever it may be, rather than studying those things that you are really interested in, you pigeonhole yourself into classes and majors that you think will lead you down the road to financial security. Along the way, some of us are lucky and actually find a talent and a passion for what we study in our quest to make money, but so many of us do not. There are a myriad of people that I know right now doing things that they hate, day in and day out, for a pay-check. Why is this?

So driven by their desires to obtain financial wealth, black students across the nation continue to subject themselves to unfulfilling and uninteresting curricula, throwing their passions by the wayside in the name of the almighty dollar. Additionally, entirely too many stop at their Bachelors degree when that degree is becoming about as valuable as a high school diploma in today’s marketplace. If we are to agree that education is the great equalizer and arbiter of opportunity in our society, we as blacks need to re-evaluate our dedication to education. It is essential that the mindset that allows us to shirk our talents and pursue money be nipped in the bud. It starts in the home and the school.

I can't speak for everyone, of course, but I know that I personally exerted this pressure on myself. I went to Villanova University on a full academic scholarship and majored in business. Why? Not for a transcendent love of business education and the academy. Not because I am a hard worker and was really interested in all of the fields I studied. I majored in Management Information Systems and Decision and Information Technology because I wanted to make money. Communications was the closest to aligning with my real interests, but I picked the other 2 because I needed the security of knowing that I could get a good paying job right out of college with my degree.

My real passions have always been writing and teaching. I love the way pen and pad can make ideas come to life. I love to share and discuss my ideas and opinions. I love transforming minds, alerting people up to new possibilities and ways of thinking. I love the look on someone’s face when they "get it". I should have double majored in education and communication, or maybe even journalism and education. However, teachers historically don't make good money, and it is very hard to break into high paying writing jobs. So my response? Major in Info Systems. There are high paying jobs. The average salary for someone who graduates with those degrees is about $45,000 to start. There are great opportunities for upward mobility.

I strongly believe that the reason there are not more African American faculty or even faculty that come from the lower socioeconomic backgrounds, is that the college education is widely misused. We, often the first generation of college students in our families, see the degree as a way to make moves up the social ladder through financial gain. So instead of doing things that interest us, whether through self-actualizing majors, or career pursuits in disciplines that we are personally passionate about, we place our real desires on the backburner and seek out careers where making good money is paramount. The would-be sociologist becomes an investment banker. The would-be biology teacher becomes a doctor. The would-be museum curator becomes an attorney. The would-be creative writer becomes a computer engineer.

In my college selection process, I applied widely because I had good guidance counselors and a mother that cared a great deal about me and believed in my potential to succeed. I applied to Princeton, Harvard, University of Pennsylvania, University of Southern California, UC Berkley, UCLA, Dartmouth, Brown, Villanova University, University of Delaware, Rutgers University and Carnegie Mellon. With a 4.0 and a 1560 on the SAT, I got accepted to every program (except Princeton still a little bitter about that because it was my first choice) but I went to Villanova because they offered me a full scholarship.

The Villanova Presidential Scholarship covered my room, board, tuition and books for 8 semesters of undergraduate study and was worth over $155,000. It made up my mind for me because it gave me an opportunity to get an excellent education without being a burden to my mother, a single parent who accrued seemingly endless debt raising three young men by herself. By going to college on scholarship, I could fill a number of important roles. I was a good student, a responsible son, and a good role model for my younger brothers.

I would love to see more opportunities for people of all backgrounds to attend school with little or no financial burden. Education's accessibility lies largely in the ability of individual party's to finance it. I struggle with this idea now as I seek ways to finance my Masters level education. I would be really interested to know what changes are being made to make post-baccalaureate education more accessible to people of lower socio-economic standing. Financial considerations should not continue to be a deterrent to higher education for highly qualified candidates, especially blacks. This discussion is exactly why I want to follow my Masters in Higher Education Management up with law school or a PhD. Serious knowledge and analysis of the policies and practices at work in our society are vital to begin the journey toward necessary change.

In a way, I hate that I conformed to expectations that were not even placed on me. I am happy to be where I am, and I would seldom change the experiences that helped me arrive in my current situation. However, I wish I had the personal fortitude to pursue my interests rather than doing what I felt was safe from the outset. In my recent trials, I have found that strength, and with it, I will dedicate the rest of my academic career to the pursuit of my passions. I will make sure that my children and my children's children can live lives doing what they really want to do. What is all the money in the world if you are not happy? What does it matter if you gain the world, if you lose your soul? I will break this vicious cycle, and the change will start, it must start, with me... today.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009


Since early 2008, I have been filling my psychological and social voids in superficial ways to no avail. My life lacks the companionship and intimacy needed for reaching the apex of Maslow’s Triangle. I am trying to fill these voids by drowning myself in a sea of pointless pussy. Word to Californication.

We all have our ups and downs, smiles and frowns. We later find out that every thing is make believe. I have had my downs and now it’s time to get up. When you’re at the bottom, the only way to go is up.

With the help of my close friends, a new job offer, and the enticing potential of the hoasis of women with whoreganizing opportunities that await my arrival to the ATL, I will soon say, HE HAS RISEN out of this rut…but only ‘cause Cornell Westside likes to rhyme in third person.

Living in 5 cities within a 3 year span has taught me a lot. I have figured out what comes natural to me and more importantly, I have learned what comes natural to other people and how to pry that out of them.

In particular, I have been influenced by 3 people in my life whom are more than my friends; they are my brothers, my therapists, and my mentors.

Shaq: you have taught me, by actions more than words, that Nike had it right all along. Just Do It. I wish you infinite success in the world of start-up companies, stomach viruses, rolled r’s and water you can’t drink.

Kobe: Pluto, relevance, and doing what’s comes natural to you. Need I say more? Remembering those tenants of life will not only get anyone as far as they want to go in life, but farther than one can ever imagine. And I can’t forget that I was introduced to the occult art of “pulling the rug out from under her” by you. “Sometimes you just gotta show nuccas…cause sometimes you gotta do stuff for the story and not the principle.”

Coach Phil: From you, I’ve learned to “intellectualize my problems”, “put myself in the situations where I’ll be most effective”, “ride the first horse” [pause], and last but not least to “go f*ck Oprah” when the situation calls for it. Kevin Federline is the American Dream!

I just wanted to thanks and shyt. I just got a one-way ticket out of a bad situation by being offered a promotion in a recession, a nucca is supposed to get emotional.

Ok, now that I got that out the way, let’s get back to our regularly scheduled ignorance.


P.S. I learned today that before you delete that crazy chick’s number from your phone, you should write it down somewhere in case she sends you an invitation back to HELL (read: random text message) months later.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

New York, NY

I J Mikey would like to go on record and say that I am a New Yorker. I was born here, raised here although I have spent some time outside the city(philly for college and LA because I could)but I just want to say how much I love my city. I say this not because I am egotistical guy or because I hate other places but because I love to take the train and I get a lot of things done on the train. One of the thing I like to do on the train is write and read blogs on my blackberry which brings me to my point.

This is a public service annoncement to all bloggers, stop writting long ass posts and blogs that make me download extra content to finish reading your ish. I want to read your whole piece, not just what comes up on my blackberry.

Hopfully this piece of mine doesn't break my own rule.

J Mikey
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Monday, February 23, 2009

Hear no evil, see no evil, print no evil...

By now I am sure that many of you have heard about or seen the controversial cartoon from the New York Post; the one with the chimp, and the cops, and talk about the stimulus package. Upon seeing the cartoon I was shocked and confused. The cartoon had (at least to me) extremely racist imagery.

1. Cops with guns drawn (drawn as in pulled out and at the ready not as in cartoon drawn (duh))
2. A dead chimp shot several times bleeding on the ground
3. The words "They'll have to find someone else to write the next stimulus bill"
4. All directly across from a picture of President Obama signing the new piece of legislation.

Col Allan, editor-in-chief of the Post stated, "The cartoon is a clear parody of a current news event, to wit the shooting of a violent chimpanzee in Connecticut. It broadly mocks Washington's efforts to revive the economy."

I’m sorry Mr. Allen, but when you use the word clear to describe something, that usually means that there is no debate or confusion about what we’re all seeing. Now I don't know about you, but the whole thing seemed pretty racist to me. This was approved by an editor, seen by multiple individuals, and no one thought to say “Hey, this might not go over so well...” Interesting.

As someone born and raised in New York, there are entirely too many cases of police brutality against Blacks to not find this alarming; Abner Louima, Amadou Diallo, and Sean Bell are only a few examples of police violence against Blacks. Add that to the all too common association of Blacks with chimps, monkeys, etc. I find it a little hard to believe that the cartoonist and the editors at the New York Post were that clueless.

But hey, maybe the author thought that the pet chimpanzee going crazy and ripping off its owner’s face was funny and that everyone would get the joke. Or maybe the people who worked at the Post saw it didn't care… Well actually, the latter isn't too hard to believe considering the New York Post is owned by Rupert Murdoch. Yes, the same guy who controls Fox News. You do the math.

The thing about racist acts is that individuals can see them differently. While some people were outraged, some simply shrugged their shoulders and said “what's the big deal.” While some people immediately got on their phones and called the paper, others simply turned to the next page. How do you define something as racist, if the people who “should” be offended don't all agree that anything happened at all?

I thought the New York Post knew better, and the cartoon was offensive. Is it just me?

She Can Do It To Right??? WRONG!!!!

The venerable Rick Fox had this to say at the conclusion of a previous post:

My question is, how come women don’t do the same?Both men and women browse Facebook. Both sexes see people they find attractive. Both read profile (comparatively speaking) and see something they like or have in common (i.e. location, school, major, career, Greek org., hobby, TV show, etc.). Yet a man will take the first step, while a woman keeps it moving (as indicated by the disparity between the sexes in Facebook contact). Why is this so?

I have my reasons, but I’d love to hear yours…

So without further ado...

Astute observation Mr. Fox. Before I begin my answer, I want to note a couple of things. First, my comments do not apply to all women. If you are a woman that breaks the mold, transcends the status quo, and otherwise does the damn thang, these comments obviously do not apply, and more power to you. Additionally, I have to admit that I have yet to embrace internet based relationships on any level. I poke females on facebook as a reaction to being poked (no homo). I (almost) never initiate it. I never go on facebook looking for females because:
1) I prefer communications to be face to face, at least early on (because I need the nonverbal cues).
2) It is hard enough to manage plans for closing the deal with good looking females I already actually know in real life.
3) I just don’t have time to open and conduct any serious internet negotiations.

That said, I think the most basic answer lies in the fact that guys are just allowed to care about and pursue sexual contact more than women. In the social jungle, men are allowed to initiate contact with intent to distribute dick with multiple females without being reprimanded or otherwise made to feel any remorse. I know you have witnessed cats shamelessly hollering at countless chicks in the same club first hand. Sad as it is, a congruent argument cannot be made on behalf of women because of the myopia still associated with gender roles in interpersonal, especially sexual, relationships. While few women explicitly subscribe to the double standard, they carry themselves in a way that is mindful of its prevalence. Thus any actions that could be misconstrued as aggressive (approaching guys, openly hollering at / dealing with multiple guys at the same time, being overtly sexual) on behalf of a female are likely minimized or done very discreetly because they risk appearing unladylike by society’s standards.

Progressive guys like ourselves think “Hey, I love and respect women. I look good. I’m hitting the gym. I am ambitious, focused, and taking care of business in my personal and professional affairs. Shit. I am a catch. So why am I always the one that has to initiate contact with the opposite sex?" Given the increasingly aggressive and impressive woman with her own goals, aspirations, and ideas about changing the world for the better, it would seem to make sense that she exercise similar agency in her dealings with the opposite sex. Right??? Plus, I’ll be the first to admit that I like to feel desired. I like to feel wanted. I like to feel sexy. I would love to be hollered at. I don’t want to have to initiate things ALL THE TIME. But reality is, the way our society is structured, despite all the progress women have made, they still feel pressure to be “women".

Women are wooed, they do not woo.

Women are lusted after, they do not lust.

Women are pursued, they do not pursue.

Women are wined and dined, they do not pay.

These are the unwritten rules of the game, and while I hardly subscribe to them in my own affairs, I know that they exist.

So while it may sound nice and even logical for women to initiate contact, don’t expect any significant manifestation of their newfound self-determination any time soon.

P.S. This is very much just my personal opinion, but for women to forfeit power in intimate relationships, especially in the arena of sex, is to give away the one undeniable thing (other than child-bearing which isn’t so much a power as it is a biological imperative), that women truly control in this male dominated society. Just a thought.

What do you out there think???

Friday, February 20, 2009


Over the years, we’ve all been asked the infamous question, “do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?” If you are like me and answer “hell no, I’m single as a dollar bill” or “Girlfriend? I’m allergic to those *hachoo!*” then it usually leads to a perplexed look and the follow-up question: “Mr. Westside, in all of your wonderousness, fantasticality, and sovereign rulership of the universe, how could you possibly not have girlfriend?”

For me, the answer is simple: Women are crazy.

Yeah I said it! And I meant it. Ok, ok, ok…I’m just serious…

Me personally, I have many reasons as to why I’m still single. The least of them being, I highly doubt I could be entirely faithful to one woman right now so why bother with trying to be faithful only to either end up embarking on a grandiose conquest of the aesthetic, callipygian vixens of the world, or simply wishing I was. I’ll save her the heartbreak and onslaught of insecurity that follows. Ladies, you're welcome and shyt.

Important women in my past have told me they feel that they “won’t be enough for me” and for years I tried to ease their discomfort by retorting with reasons opposing this, but I think they might have been on to something.

Sometimes I just want the option of going out of town on business and smashing the random cute chick I met at the hotel bar. This is definitely not an option when you have a girlfriend. However, it is quite fun and I highly recommend it…if you have the option of course.

Think about it, whenever you travel somewhere your best stories are always the ones that involve some type of conquest of the opposite sex. I’m not ready to part with that aspect of my life just yet. Besides that, I have yet to go to Miami and/or Brazil. And according to rule #1906 of Cornell Westside’s Code of Conduct for Consistent Coitus, I must visit these establishments prior to taking any young lady seriously.

As hard as it is for women to believe, dealing with other chicks actually makes like our main chick even more. It’s human nature to compare things; we do it in all aspects of life.

“The entrĂ©e ain’t as good without something on the side.” – Fabolous on Can’t Let You Go

I’ll give you an analogous experience from my life.

I travel a lot with my job and have to drive rental cars often. Now even though my car is 2004 and the rentals are 08s and 09s, I still love coming home and driving my car and prefer it over the new models. I think my car is better and there’s no logical argument that will sway me otherwise. However, when I come home from a business trip, I haven’t broken any rule of exclusivity by driving another car. In fact, I began to love my car even more after I had something to compare it to. Now I look forward traveling just so I can enjoy the moment of returning to my car.

“Keep It Simple Stupid” - Unknown

In my simplemindedness approach to life, I find a methodology that works and apply it to every aspect of life. Thus, the same logic I use to make a big purchase i.e. car, house, etc. is the same logic I use in finding a woman to be in a relationship with. So, to continue with the car analogy…

If you study what people with lots of money do, you can see the basal nature of humans. Most of us are constrained by money so we can’t do or say what we really want because we don’t have enough money to get away with it. Notice that people with money usually have more than one car (and heavily indulge in drugs…later for that though). They have different cars for different occasions.

“The relationship you have with your car isn’t so different from your other relationships.” – Kate Walsh, Cadillac CTS Commercial

It’s something you see and rely on everyday; you spend a good chunk of your income on it. Ultimately it is a representation of who you are. Doesn’t your “real” relationship have similar attributes?

Thus, my simplemindedness being at the root of this, if I can afford to have more than one car, why can’t I have more than one woman if I can afford it? In the Old Testament many of the Kings had multiple wives. God (and society) was cool with it, why can’t you?

And yes, I know someone needs to pray for me, so please go right ahead. You can start now…don’t worry, I’ll wait.

The logical flaw in all this is that most women want to be your favorite AND your only. This is impossible. Favorite implies choice, only doesn’t. See the problem?

So even though I am probably ready to find one woman and be satisfied with coitus and companionship from her for eternity, I just don’t like the way it sounds and am not ready to sequester my option to emulate Wilt Chamberlain. Maybe I’m the crazy one…actually it’s not a maybe.

I haven’t even touched upon the fact that in America “No One Respects the Ring” – Coach Phil, but I’ll save that one for another day and another time.

For now, tell me if you’re for or against monogamous relationships, why or why not?

An Ode To Jumpoffs

Imagine….a little boy watching cartoons in the living room; his mother in the kitchen baking a cake. When the cake is ready for oven insertion and the little boy has been behaving himself, he may be fortunate enough for his mother to call him into the kitchen and…

Yup, you guessed it. Lick the spoon.

Well my Negro friends, this proverbial licking of the spoon, is exactly what a jump-off is. What am I talking about? Follow me and I’ll explain further…

Now let’s say that
1) jump-off = licking the spoon
2) wifey = the cake

***most women lose me right about….NOW***

If the little boy sits in the living room watching cartoons and smelling cake for hours on end, when he finally sits down at the table for cake, he’s gonna be hungry as sh*t and probably overindulge because his tastebuds have been festering by smelling cake and not eating for a long time (read: drought).

However, if he gets to lick the spoon in the interim, then he will get to appease his tastebuds just enough to not be overwhelmed by hunger, but still enjoy the cake when he sits down to eat. Thus, not overindulging in the goodeness of said cake and exercising patience…

Let’s be honest. EVERY kid loves to lick the spoon. Unless you’re diabetic, or allergic to cake, then you like it…don’t lie to yourself.

So, what does a jump-off do? A jump off helps you approach relationships with a clear mind. For us guys, we can now go out to clubs, go on dates, etc, without sex as the foundation of your motives.

You ever notice how girls always want a guy when he has a girlfriend? Well, the reason is that women can sense when you’re not trying to offer them d*ck. Since every guy they have met since they were 13 has been doing this, (c) Chris Rock, they are confused and perplexed when a guy does the opposite.

Having a jump-off will give you this effect, guilt-free. So, to the jump-offs of the world, I want to say thank you. I understand the persecution you endure and wanted to let you know that your hard work and intermittent emotional discomfort is truly appreciated. 'Round these parts, the prestigious members of DaLakeSquad salute you!

If you find yourself in the jump-off zone, do not fret. Simply understand that you are a role player on the team, and that although you may not get all the attention, the championship ring cannot be won without your input. You are Robert Horry, Steve Kerr, Bruce Bowen, David Tyree, an Offensive Lineman….and we love you very much from the depths of our loins.

Ladies, embrace the possibility that ‘the guy you’re really feeling’ has a jump-off. You benefit from this. His jump-off will keep him from thinking with the wrong head around you. This will get him to actually court you instead of finding creative ways to get his meat in your taco. You should buy her a drink.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

My First Blog

This is my first post entry or blog or whatever you want to call it, and I don't know what to write. I can take the time out to thank Coach Phil for finally putting this thing together for us. I can big him up for taking the most grown man step any of us have taken to date (shout out to Mini Marj lol).

Or I can sit here and big Shaq up for making the big move out to Mexico and doing what he's always wanted to do (not work for the man lol), injecting alittle more focus in us or at least me anyway.

I can write about KG (or Cornell Westside if you will) and how he is an experienced "blogger" who has this jotting random thoughts thing down to a science and who's ability to think outside the box has rubbed off on me 10 fold and helped me out more then I know.

I can write about all the people I know who will be reading this blog or myself even, but I think I've already said to much.

I'll holla later

J Mikey b.k.a. Kobe
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Wednesday, February 18, 2009


Lots of discourse on trifling men and women has gone back and forth lately. We know the offenders and the offended. We have all heard the stories straight from the mouths of our own loved ones, close friends and associates.

For females it sounds like:
“I only talk to him when I want a free meal."
“Shit if he is gonna buy me things, I ain’t gonna stop him."
“I have no intention of having sex with him, but I’ll keep letting him do things for me. I still need my bookcase put together."
“If a guy is dumb enough to do it, then why shouldn’t I take advantage of it?"

For guys it is usually along the lines of:
“I only hit her up when I am trying to beat."
“Dating? What. The fuck. Is dating?"
“She is my closer / jumpoff / goer / runner / sure thing / etc. and so on."
“I’ll hit, but wifing her is out of the question."
“If I don’t beat after the first 2 or 3 dates... jam done. I’m moving on to the next chick."

It is easy for all of us to point out the negative tendencies of the opposite sex, but we seldom offer action items for constructive and meaningful change. Thinking critically about this situation I realized that there is a very simple central theme, people are only trifling because the opposite sex allows them to be.

Men complain about hungry, thirsty, gold-digging, opportunist bitches.

Women complain about cheap, trifling, shallow, commitment-phobic niggas.

The problem my friends is enablers.

Not everyone that engages in the above is an enabler however, so I think some distinction is necessary. Some guys sincerely like to ball out in the club, pop bottles, and spend money on random females. Gives them a rush, and makes them feel good. Some ladies genuinely like to be catered to and have the attention of guys like that showered on them. Again, makes them feel good. If you know who you are and what you like there is no problem with you doing you. If you are being played and don’t even know it, then you are an enabler. The pejorative manifestations of enablers are what I have a problem with, and they can usually be described as “bitch niggas" in the male form and “bullshitters" in the female form. The bitch nigga makes the bullshitter possible and vice versa.

These groups affect otherwise progressive and intelligent people, because we have to be wary of their existence and act accordingly.

But it doesn’t have to be this way people!

We can minimize the existence of both of these groups.
We can eliminate the selfish unintentional consequences of their unclear intentions.
We can carry ourselves as the caring adults that we really are.
There is an answer.

The solution is relatively simple, and I think it is two fold:

1) Realize your personal worth. Men and women both need to value themselves more. Both parties need to realize that there are entirely too many people in the world that sincerely value them as a people and individuals to ever waste time or settle for someone that does not.

2) Honesty is the best policy. Be honest about your goals and intentions at the earliest possible juncture, and drama and animosity are not even viable options.

Again, since this note is focused on action items, I have compiled a list of suggestions for putting the 2 simple solutions to use for everyone first, then I get a little more specific for males and females individually.

1) If you know you are attractive, intelligent, and rare act like it.
2) Get what you want out of whatever situation you are in, and when that is not possible be honest and move on.
3) If you know someone is not on your level, acknowledge it and act accordingly.

1) Treat the pussy like its worth something. That doesn’t mean be haughty, but some selectivity would be nice. Too many whack dudes that are not on the collective level of our black women, are managing to garner pussy at an alarming rate. Stop giving it away to niggas that don’t treat you right. If he is more trouble than it is worth then cut dude off. Stop letting uneducated cornballs beat. Wrap up the drama filled situations. Women can’t complain about men until they start getting better taste in them.
2) Stop giving guys hope that should have none, and directly related,
3) Stop letting dudes take you out that you have no intention of doing anything with. If you insist on doing it anyway, at least be honest and let him know that he is not a priority, and that he is only Mr. Fix-It, Mr. Buy-It, or what have you, and he has no shot at playing for the championship. Ladies, you know after the first salient conversation, if not earlier, whether you are going to let him get anywhere. If you know that this guy couldn’t get any even if he had the last drops of semen on earth, and the existence of humankind depended on intercourse between the two of you, then tell him the truth and let him make decisions from there. If he insists on playing himself by being ridiculously persistent with no hope of success (although persistence pays from time to time) then that is on him.

1) Stop copping drinks for, building things for, or otherwise compromising yourself for chicks that are not that fly to begin with. You give them a big head and they get all out of pocket. There are few things in this world more annoying than a mediocre chick that thinks she is the greatest thing this side of grape Kool-aid (yes grape is the best!). I find myself having to check this type of chick all too often… Side note: Ladies, confidence is ok. Even a tinge of arrogance is ok if you got your shit together intellectually and emotionally, but still, take an honest inventory of what you have to offer before you hit the streets.
2) Stop gassing chicks because their titties are popping out of their turtleneck. Act like you have seen breasts before. Act like you have seen a particularly rotund backside before. Sex is great, but the physical attributes don’t last kid.
3) Stop being a simp and letting chicks run the game just because they have a vagina. Respect yourself and your ability to get it down with a chick worthy of your time. Any guy worth his weight knows at least one drama free chick that they can kick it with and do all the things necessary to keep him happy. Food, fun and fucking are nice diversions from the mundane bullshit of everyday life. If you don’t have at least one down chick to ride for you, you are fucking up dude, and your desperation is evident to any and all females that you interact with.

As always, I’d love to hear your comments. What do you think?